Just My Luck, No Really

Unfortunately, for the fourth time in my life, I successfully manage myself to get stuck in a religious conversation with the infamous Chinese Bible Study woman (As I lovingly call her, secretly) on campus. This woman never gives up! You would imagine that the second or third time she meets me, she would recognise my face. And once she saw me, she would understand that I'm clearly not interested in taking this class (if there is such a class) mainly because I explained my disinterest for attending such a class in our previous encounters.

The way she comes up to you to is quite nerve-racking, I must admit. She will timidly come from behind and begin to beckon for your attention in a such a low frequency that it cannot even pass for a whisper; it's more like the sound of air leaking from a high-pressured gas valve. Then you look behind because you suspect it's a dragonfly or moth happily passing your path, but NO! IT'S HER!! Strike one. Then, she'll start asking you random, luck-of-the-draw questions regarding your demography. You begin to think "Hey, she's harmless. Why not? She just wants to start a conversation, right?" NO, YOUR WRONG! Strike two. You answer her questions and embellish it a bit because hey, you just met her 8 seconds ago, so what matters if you lie a bit. So that's what I usually do. Everytime I meet her, I make up my religion. One moment I'm Muslim, the next I'm Buddhist, and heck, I even told her I was Zoroastrian. That last one completely confused her since she didn't know what that was. Ha! Ball one! Next, she will ask you if you have ever read the Bible and studied it. To make this moment more exciting, you start telling her all the stuff you read when you had to read the Bible in English class. You start to psychoanalyse the characters and explain the true factors behind their motives in a more unrealistic, outrageous, English teacher, kind of perspective. She gets even more shocked. How does this Zorro-astro-whatever know about the Bible? Ball two. Then the woman will use her magical ways and attempt to convert you to Christianity there and then. Now she's testing your waters. She just pitched the ball right into your shin. It's okay if you're here to enroll people in a Bible Study, but to change their view on life and question their ideals? Nah man, dis ein't cool. 'ave som' respec'. You tell her exactly that, minus the Yardie-ness. Once she finally gets your point, you start walking away because, in my experience, she won't leave your site unless you start moving yourself. HOMERUN!! Unfortunately, she never gets your point, and will continue to use the same pitch the fifth or sixth time you meet her. She's like Willy Loman: a hopeless and seemingly unsuccessful salesperson.

I've told my friends about my adventures with this woman and I asked them whether or not if you have ever met her at least once in your life. All of them answer the same thing: NO. They all look at me like I have a boil on my face which is big enough to sustain life on its own. Maybe this lady is imaginary, maybe she doesn't exist, a phantom of some sort. She might be like one of those ghosts many students get to witness on college campuses as old as the cotton gin or Simon Bolivar. But our campus isn't that old. I mean, McDonald's is older than it. She could be a brain-scavenging zombie, I don't know! Whatever it may be, she is still the Chinese Bible Study woman and she will always remain as so, in my eyes. You must also understand the power of assumptions. Humans will always have assumptions and will make every lasting attempt to prove them correct and at the same time curb their curiousity. It's at moments like these you use flattery and a bit of creativity to remove yourself from complicated situations such as these. But, if you suck at that, well then, my best suggestion I could give to you is to.... RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!


X Pfredd