I know the pieces fit cos I watched them all fall away

Is there a reason for the unexplainable surge of Tool fans on college campuses?

You know what I'm talking about; the tall, highly unattractive and diaphoretic individuals who swagger from class to class with TOOL blazing from across their chests like they're the epitome of God's creations. It's not a bad thing, you know, to fancy Tool and all because everyone has their preferences in music. As a matter of fact, I respect them as one of the few bands who "paint with their music" and I occasionally enjoy lending my ear to alternative rock staples such as Schism and Sober.

As to my knowing, these fans (or at least the ones I've met) are not the most pleasant folks. I usually find out that they enjoy hacking into government networking facilities in their free time OR have the language as rancid as a leech-infested sock seeping in a cesspool OR have their dorm walls strewn with pictures that can pass for bestiality (not Tool, surprisingly). However, this does not ignore the fact that these fans are undeniably apparent in several universities across the country aside from mine. I'll name a few places right now: University of Rochester, University of California at Berkeley, Princeton, and University of Virginia, all of which contain a steady number of Tool aficionados (as I witnessed). This also brings up another question. Why does this population of fans neither expand nor disintegrate? Why do they exist as solely 27.5 % of the student body? What connects them all? This is my reason: these are all physics or engineering majors.

The building I dormed in houses all the dweebs and milquetoasts you can find on campus. The men's floor was practically packed with Tool Fans. Heck, the guy that lived right below me used to blast 10,000 Days non-stop, especially during the Grammys (because apparently that album was nominated for one thing or another. Fortunately, they lost, so that prevented an unannounced 5-hour non-stop Tool marathon that the arsehole was planning to conduct as soon as he recieved the long-anticipated news). I was sure he was a computer engineering major. By the way, he's the hacker who "shared" the news of his special talent to the RAs in the first month of the term--smart move dude.

This other guy who lived five doors from him, was too a Tool Fan. This guy ALWAYS wore his Tool shirt, I mean always. Either that, or he had six Tool shirts with the same print, same tear at the corner of the neckline, and same sweat marks trailing down the middle of his back. He never spoke and at one point, I was certainly convinced he was mute. But that was then, NOW I finally convinced myself that he could not speak. From the looks of this character, he was obviously a socially-inept, computer-mechanized walking brain who functioned in terms of numbers and nothing else.

There was also a girl in our building who occasionally walked around with a Tool shirt. We talked once in a while if we passed each other in the hallway. We just exchanged polite greetings or made remarks regarding the unpleasant weather. She seemed harmless, until I saw her sitting with her friends. If she had the chance, this woman can say a complete, coherent sentence with curses alone. It's quite the talent. And to top it all off, she is also a engineering major, particularly specialising in mechanical engineering. Sheer bloody coincidence? Hellz nah.

So you see, the fans are usually the creeps of campus, the uber-dweebs, the psychopaths of psychopaths. To harness their intellectual energy (and whatever kind of energy these humanoids possess), they take a keen interest in applied sciences. But as a way to spice up their personality, they also take an time and admire the works of this prog rock band. And why? My take on these deadbeats is that the sound of the music electrifies their soul and fosters a form of confidence which never existed before. To shine their inner audacity to the public and show their gratitude to their beloved band, they wear anything covered with the magical four-lettered word. It empowers them with a feeling that just screams "Hey, take a look at me bitches. I'm so badass because I can handle Tool". It's like their double A battery, their daily dose of steroids, their long-deserved share of Scooby Snacks. After all these years of intense underground research on this under-developed marvel, I conclude that, yes, there is a reason to explain the young adulthood phenomenon that effects every 2 out of 20 college students.